I’m Afraid of Men Book Review

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I became aware of I’m Afraid of Men when Jaz (@TravelsInFiction) listened to it as an audiobook and it piqued my interest. It’s an essay-cum-memoir from Vivek Shraya about her experiences with men as a trans woman. From the clothes she wears to the precautions she takes, this raw book challenges gender as it is in our society now and makes the reader reflect on the binary ideals we impose on everyone from birth and the implications that has on the rest of their lives. Shraya uses this to show the trauma she’s experienced, but also how she has triumphed and embraced her identity in a world so adamant to ignore it.

Listening to this an audiobook was such a good decision. It’s narrated by the author, so not only can you hear her words more deeply, but the power of what she’s saying is even more apparent. There were so many moments during this book that made me stop and really think about what Shraya was saying – how I’d experienced something in my own life, or how actually, I was part of the problem.

As a woman I can relate to being in uncomfortable situations with men and the sexual harassment and misogyny some of them seem to so casually throw around. However, as a cisgender (and white) woman, I can only imagine how much worse it could be for Shraya. Many of her accounts are heart-breaking and hard to listen to; often visceral but worded poetically and succinctly, it’s really hard not to feel impacted but also so moved by this book.

The hardest moment for me is towards the end when Shraya says that in actual fact she’s not just scared of men, but of women too. Of women who will stand aside and let men enact their tirade of hate and abuse and do nothing to help. That was hard to hear as a women, but also reiterates how much work still needs to be done to make everyone feel safe.

Obviously this book is borne out of one woman’s experience, so it’s not necessarily a reflection of everyone’s experience, however, it’s universally relatable and a great tool in order to confront your own internal bias and prejudice and recognise that we all can step up.

By using her personal experience to build an argument for all that is wrong with gender and toxic masculinity she makes a compelling case for why it frankly should be overhauled. I’m very glad I bought this audiobook because I will be listening to it again! And at just under an hour and a half of listening time, there’s really no excuse for everyone not to read this.